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  • Writer's pictureLisa L. Dalton

All Bad Isn't Bad

All Bad Isn't Bad: When Dependence and the Soul Meets.

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight For the ends of being and ideal Grace. I love thee to the level of every day’s Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight. I love thee freely, as men strive for Right. I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise. I love thee with the passion put to use In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith. I love thee with a love I seemed to lose With my lost saints—I love thee with the breath, Smiles, tears, of all my life!—and, if God chooses, I shall but love thee better after death..

- Elizabeth Barrett Brownings

This is how much we should love our SOUL - depth, breadth, height, every day, quiet, sun, and candlelight. Free, pure, passion, love that is lost, through smiles, tears, and all my life, and if God is willing I will love my SOUL even better after death... because I did the work here on earth so that my soul will be happy when it departs this earth. We can't care for the soul unless we are familiar with its ways. What do I mean when I say, "familiar with its ways". What I'm saying is, we can't care for something if we don't know how it works, how it should be. We should observe our SOUL and how it responds to certain situations. How much do I love my SOUL? Do I love her enough to give her the attention she needs to be better? When we observe the soul we keep an eye on whatever she is wondering and gazing at. We observe the latest addictions, a striking dream, or a troubling mood she may be in. We notice when she's out of character and or doing something that is out of the ordinary. I'll share one of my most recent experiences that made me observe my soul and how she was responding to how I was acting. Recently I started working part-time for a small company where I keep their financials. I took this job because it was something new and I like doing spreadsheets and working with numbers. As I was going through my training, I noticed how dependent I had become on the other employee who was training me. I wouldn't do anything without their help or without her approval. You see, I was new to this type of business and didn't feel I was capable of learning it. She, too, made me feel like I wasn't capable of doing the job because of those who did the job before me. I became so dependent on her that it would cause me to make errors that I normally wouldn't make. I began having anxiety when I saw her number on my phone. WHY, because, I felt she was calling to tell me I made a mistake and or ask me why did I do such and such. I had to ask myself the question, why are you responding to her that way. What is it you're afraid of?" I discovered that I was responding to her that way because I didn't want to fail. AND the fear of disappointing myself petrified me. I wanted to do a good job. You see, I depended on her so much that I made mistakes I would not have made had I had the confidence I needed to do the job. This experience lets me see that I still had areas in my life where I needed to grow. It wasn't until she wasn't available to help me that I discovered I had it in me all along. I was capable of doing the work and I could do a good job too. So, what does that have to do with the SOUL? The SOUL needs certain things to grow. Certain things need to happen in your life that will cause you to observe how you respond to what life is throwing at you. The SOUL will let you know what needs to be dealt with in your life. But it's not until you are awakened by some situations that will make you stop and think. Being dependent on someone will make you feel powerless and insecure. You'll have the inability to make decisions on your own. Ask yourself this question, "When does dependence show up in your life?" What triggers in your being that makes you become dependent? For me, it's when I don't feel good about myself or when I don't want to be held accountable if something goes wrong. I can easily point the finger at someone else and not be blamed. (this was before I did my work... :). ) Now, that we see that being dependent can open our SOUL to what is really going on in our "being", we can begin to do the work that we need to do to become whole within ourselves and learn to be inter-dependent.

Here are a few steps to help you begin your journey:

1. Become conscious of the fears underlying your dependence. It could be something as small as sleeping with the lights on. Often our patterns began as a child but we never stopped them once we became an adult. Why do you need to check on your children every day, now that they are away from home? Could it be more about you and less about them?

2. Don't Fear Loneliness. It's okay to just BE with your BEING. Don't fill your time up with doing because you're afraid of the thoughts you have when you're alone. That's the time when you need to connect with what the SOUL is saying to you. This is when you can make peace with yourself. Say I'm sorry and tell yourself how much you mean to you.Take this time to find out who you are and what it is you like and don't like. Make the adjustments as you begin to grow into your own person. 3. Don't Push Away Your Source of Emotional Dependence. Overcoming emotional dependence is not about finding "Fault" with yourself and changing it, but it’s more about using it as a guide to finding out what truly lies on the other side of the fear or insecurity that was causing the dependence. Take the bad part and identify what is good on the other side. When Bad and the Soul Meets, you'll begin to overcome your emotional dependence. Freedom awaits, Your SOUL is depending on it. Remember to Find Peace Within

- Lisa L. Dalton

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